on the back of my box of Q-Tips(tm), it says "gentle enough to care for newborn babies." i'm not exactly sure what "care" this pertains to, but i'm pretty sure these name-brand cotton swabs couldn't replace breast feeding or unconditional love or diaper changing or guarding against baby-humping pervs. then i started wondering if the generic brand competator's cotton swabs were laced in anthrax or something that melted babies' skin making Q-Tip(tm) brand obviously superior. then i got a totally x-treme mental image of babies in a laboratory melting at the touch of a generic cotton swab and scientists writing something on a clipboard and muttering "fascinating" and then i got another beer.