so the other day some folks and i were conversing (as folks and i often do) on matters of limited interest and importance when one of the aforementioned folks mentioned he was adopting a cat. i said "hey buddy that's swell!" or something to that effect. the person then stated that before he could bring the cat home, he needed to get it tested for AIDS. i lightheartedly chuckled and made some stupid remark like "yea, make sure to test it for crabs and the clap while you're at it. i hear those animal shelters are the kitty equivelant to that show Oz" or something. he agreed but didn't laugh. i first assumed this is because, obviously, i'm not funny. it then became clear to me that the reason this human being wasn't laughing was because he was serious. i interrogated him further. "yes," he said looking me dead in the eye, "cats can get AIDS."

holy
fucking
shit
that's
funny.

i don't know why, but this seriously had never even occurred to me before as a valid concern for my cat's health.

friend: "dude, what is wrong with you?"
me: "i am bummed because my cat has AIDS"
friend: "that is uncool."
me: "yes, i am aware."

yea fuckin right. i needed to see for myself so i looked it up. click here to learn more about kitty AIDS.
it exists. it really truly exists and i am the only person in the world who thinks it's funny. don't get me wrong, it's terrible and my heart goes out blah blah and i mean, it would suck ass if it happened to my cat because quite frankly my cat is the shit, but i can't get these scenes out of my head of my cat pacing around my living room chain smoking waiting for the test results, mentally checking off every sexual encounter she's had and freakin out like "well, me and that one cat were pretty wasted in that alley and i can't remember if we used protection and oh god what if he...oh jesus, oh man, wait, no, because cathy slept with him too and she got tested and she's fine but, aw shit, aw man...when's that fuckin phone gonna ring?!" and to me this is fucking hillarious and to my co-workers i am now the antichrist but fuck them anyway because they wouldn't recognize funny even if it hit em in the face and then fucked their cat and gave it AIDS...

i'm also considering remaking the film "philadelphia" with an all-kitty cast. adorable!!!