dear christ.

yea so i was just sittin here sorting returned checks when the urge to urinate arose. i proceeded to walk towards the bathroom. i opened the door and was nasaly assaulted by the most foul smell i have ever encountered in my 20 years on this earth. i saw the urinal 5 feet ahead of me, shimmering in the stench like distant cars on the summer desert highway. i put my head down and lurched forward but to no avail. my feet would not comply. they knew the stench was too great and i would fall victim to it's evils. so i stood. i stood trying to breathe through my mouth and focus on making it to the urinal to release my respective fluids and get the fuck out. i glanced towards the ground in the direction of the stall. i recognized the shoes. it was tom. tom the gnarly 1,000 year old security gaurd. it was he who had opened the gates of hell and unleashed these gaseous demons unto the earth. i sat silently cursing him when i saw his foot begin to shake. there was a small grunt and then a giant plop/splash. it was too much. the auditory accostation in unison with the unholy odor got into my brain and began gnawing at my will to live like a rabid beaver. the room spun. i doubled over and began violently dry heaving. i stumbled backwards and tried to open the door but my hands were clutching my stomach in a vain attempt to keep my peanut butter and jelly sammich where it was. suddenly, the door opened and i stumbled out and fell against the wall. it was my boss and he looked down at me uncomprehendingly as i lay writhing on the floor gagging and choking. he looked towards the bathroom. his eyes widened and his nostrils flared. he shut the door and stood watching me for a second. my heaving subsided and i gasped for breath. he chuckled softly and said, "i think i'll wait till i get home to use the restroom." i chuckled as well and swallowed some bile. then i got up and walked next door to the coffee shop and used their bathroom. it smelled like flowers. when i walked back into the office building, tom was at his post. he didn't make eye contact with me, but he looked tired. also, i did notice a certain glow about him...

rock the parcel.

uh huh.

word.