woooosh.

this joke made me laugh for a very long time.

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labor is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.
"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies.
"O.K. do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife.
"No, no boyfriend either."
"Do you have a partner then?"
"No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."
After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman.
"You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black"
"Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a Porno movie. The lead man was black."
"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."
"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes."
"Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."
At this the midwife again apologises collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the bum. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Thank God for that!"
"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.
"WHEW!" says the girl extremely relieved..."I had this horrible feeling that it was going to bark!"

hahaha...yeeeeeea....and now, a list of things that suck pee-pee for $$$:

onions

coleslaw

hitler

people who aren't funny whatsoever so when anyone says something funny they say "hahaha...he said:" and repeat what that person just said a second ago

jerry lewis

christianity

france

the racist as fuck B.E.T. network

beef

long toenails catching on blankets

V.D.

M.T.V.

M.G.D.

taking a sip of your beer and realizing someone put their cigarette out in it

finishing a beer and realizing someone put their cigarette out in it a long time ago

wet socks

coke/speed

spiders

having people tell you "you know, you would be so hot if you would just:" and then telling you to dress differently, get tatoos, bathe, etc.

snow

ulcers

diarreah

lite beer

banditos/GPCs/legits/marlboro lights

using the bathroom after the big poonjabi dropped a load

people who get sad and cry when they're drunk

mrs. peacock

not rocking the parcel

no-way-ing as opposed to uh-huh-ing

absence of word