shazam.

one time annie said "i wish i was a jewish pirate. that sounds like it would be cute" and oh boy oh boy did i ever chuckle.

for the love of god, let there never be another movie made where an athlete or rapper has a starring role.

speaking of that shit, there's a new movie out now with britney spears and it's some road trip with girls thelma and louise type thing and good god i'm too big of a person to even complain about it.

speaking of big people, there used to be this guy that worked at mcdonalds in vegas and he really wasn't all that fat but this guy's arms must have weighed 50lbs a peice. i had never seen arms like this in my life. the fat actually hung down over his wrist like a sleeve of a shirt. it was totally weird.

oh yea, and when i was in mcdonalds once with fuck-bill when we were like 15, we saw this dood that had what appeared to be an elongated nipple on his elbow and sometimes when i'm sick and i need to puke but it just won't come, i sit there and think of that elbow nipple jiggling and the vomit flows like oldness from abe vigoda.

speaking of abe vigoda, he is the coolest guy on the planet.

haha...oh yea i just remembered. when we were 15 me, dr. nick, and fuck-bill had a band called "the dastards" and one of our songs was called "val kilmer is a pussy" and we used to talk about when we got all famous there would be a made for tv movie about us and we were gonna get val kilmer to play fuck-bill and abe vigoda was gonna play me and alicia silverstone was gonna play dr. nick cuz he had long nirvana-kid hair back then and the thing was is even though abe vigoda would be playing me nobody would actually call him by my name, they would all call him abe vigoda. and i drew this picture of val kilmer leaning up against a wall dressed like fuck-bill in a black shirt and tight jeans combing his hair with abe vigoda standing next to him dressed like me in jeans and a hooded sweatshirt and val kilmer was going "we are soooo cool, abe vigoda" and in the background there was alicia silverstone holding a guitar going "i like koRn" and nick didn't think that was funny and you probably don't either but let me tell you holmeslice, it was.

me n flat are going to make shirts for eort and they're going to say this: "i had sex with all the members of elegance of railway travel and all i got was this lousy venarial disease." 15 bucks. who want some.

my parents just moved into these totally posh digs with a gate and a guard and everything and the guard is this total dignified kinda butler-esque guy and i pulled up last night and he said "are you the clausen's son?" and i said "uh..yea" and he laughed and said "ok...your mom said that there was gonna be a suspicious looking guy that you would expect to come in and steal cars but it's only you and you probably won't steal anything" and i said "you seem pretty sure" and he laughed and said, i kid you not, "take it easy, bro" and it was hillarious.

oh yes....and also if you have any self respect whatsoever, you need to go here.

this is all so ungodly not interesting. why am i even trying right now?

rock the parcel.

uh huh.

word.