wow.

so i watched that show "undeclared" on fox last night. i was amazed. i wasn't aware until then that one tv show founded on the principles of humor could be so dumbfoundingly not funny. way to go, guys.

nobody has signed my guestbook. i think i'll carve "ozzy rules" in my chest and hang myself.

i just took a sip of coffee with the knowledge that it wasn't all that hot anymore. unbeknownst to me, however, the grounds that aren't big enough to float around but aren't small enough to...i don't know...not exist?...were lurking at the bottom of the cup. so i took a big fuck off drink of the coffee that was actually a bit more luke warm than i had expected (which was unpleasent in itself) and got a throat full of coffee grounds and started choking. the people in my office laughed at me. i thought it was pretty funny too....oh wait....no i didn't...i must have been thinking of a funny looking dog i saw once. yea, the dog was funny. me choking on coffee grounds wasn't. just for the record.

last night flat drank a mickey's 40oz, 4 budweisers, and 4 or 5 shots of whiskey. then we started watching that movie "rushmore" and he decided he wanted del taco. we drove to del taco and he got macho nachos. in his drunken state he let go of the plate when i turned a corner and my entire front passenger seat and gear shift thing and center councel or whatever that shit's called is covered with cheese and sour cream and guacamole and little diced tomatoes and refried beans and a couple chips. just thought you should know.

rachel and i decided we wanted to name our first born son "emkcuf" cuz it would be fuck me backwards. the only problem would be when young emkcuf got to that point in his life where he could spell and he, like all children, tried his name backwards to laugh at how preposterous it sounded only to discover it was "fuck me". we considered many options on how to handle this. here's the scenario:

emckuf: mom! dad!

me: in here, son!

emckuf: dad, we need to have a talk.

me: sure son. what's on your mind?

emckuf: dad, did you know that my name backwards is "fuck me"?

me: *gasp*...i am shocked and appalled, emckuf.

rock the parcel.

uh huh.

word.