so i was getting my brakes fixed today and after three hours of waiting (without my gameboy advance sp, mind you) i got kind of hungry. across the street there was a link's bbq chicken and ribs, koto japanese restaraunt, jersey mike's subs, the little dumpling chinese and thai restaraunt, a dennys, baja fresh, and a dominoes. the problem here is to access any of those places i would have to cross the street. bunk. so i decided the wendys (which was in the same parking lot as me) would do just fine. i walked in, perused the menu, and decided the "ultimate chicken grill" looked pretty tasty.

this was to be the first in a long list of mistakes which include:
1.) being born with tastebuds
2.) not eating koala shit my whole life
3.) having a job that pays me in american currency which i exchange for shitty chicken sandwiches
this was, without a doubt, the most abhorrent excuse for a chicken sandwich i've ever had the misfortune of partially consuming. i have eaten baking soda from my refrigerator that tasted more like chicken than this sandwich. i have performed cunnilingus on my girlfriend during a heavy flow day of her menstrual cycle that left me more fulfilled than this sandwich. i have utilized the literary tool hyperbole more times in the last twenty seconds than james p. hyperbole (the creator of the hyperbole) ever did in his worthless life.
this sandwich had chicken that tasted like tofu boiled in water, had the texture and consistancy of afterbirth, had a sauce that i'm assuming is made of expired mayonaise, chopped onions, and motor oil, had about two pounds of tomatoes, and it looked at me cock-eyed.
this is a picture of me dropping to my knees and calling out for god to show is cock-sucking face and attempt to explain to me why he would let such a shitty sandwich exist on this earth:

fuck you, wendys. and fuck you dave thomas. may your adopted-ass burger-whoring soul writhe in the firey pits of hell for all eternity.