greatest song in the world for right now: the lillingtons - the russians are coming

yea, so the other day i was at the train station waiting for the good doctor's train (of all things) to arrive. i was sitting on a bench drinking a pepsi, smoking a cigarette, and reading my book when a homeless dood walked up to me.

"brother? brother, a moment of your time please." he said.

"hi" i replied.

"brother, i am homeless. i'm not crazy. i just want to tell you a joke."

"uh..ok."

"i want to tell you a joke because i am the only talking mime in the whole world."

"a talking mime?"

"yes...i am the first and only talking mime. do you know richard pryor?"

"not personally."

"fuck that guy! i'm better than him. just about nobody can say they're the only one of something. nobody except me! i'm the worlds first and only talking mime. and i'm homeless. so this is what i do."

"so the whole homeless thing is like yer schtick?"

"what?"

"nothing."

"ok...normally i charge but just by looking at you i know you don't have any money."

"what?"

"although you do got a beer there...hmmm..."

"actually, it's a pepsi."

"oh, well i could use a smoke."

"ok."

"anyway...here's the joke...wait...what are you reading?"

at this point he takes the book from my hand and stares at it. the book is called "lucifer rising" and it traces the history of satanism from it's genesis to modern black metal.

"what the hell is this? why are you reading this?"

"uh...it's interesting"

"you don't need this."

now he hurls the book across the parking lot.

he then looks at me for a second and runs across said parking lot to grab the book and bring it back.

"you aren't gonna learn anything from this book. read it, but don't learn anything. this book is full of shit."

"gotcha. book = shit."

"you wanna see a book?"

"sure."

"this is a book i found in a dumpster. see this? it says 'd-day.' look at the price on this. $17. this book is worth $17."

"you should sell it."

"i don't need money. you know what i think of this book?"

he now throws the book on the ground and spits on it.

"just one more thing to weigh me down. let somebody else find it."

"gotcha."

"i'm a soul traveler."

"when are you gonna tell the joke?"

"i'll get to that. but i'm a soul traveler. see, i'm searching for my soul brother. he's a colored fella, and i've been looking for him for a long time. you seen a colored fella round here with an auora like mine?"

"a black guy? in downtown sacramento? no way."

that was a joke.

"anyway, what do you know about reincarnation?"

"not a whole lot, i guess."

"ok, now what do you know about masturbation?"

"significantly more."

"ok, now here's the joke."

"ok."

"how is reincarnation like masturbation?"

"i don't know."

"you just keep coming and coming and coming and coming."

in what i guess was part of the mime thing he did the classic 'jerkin it' motion.

"that was a very good joke."

"remember what i said. you can read that book, but it's full of shit. none of it is true."

"ok."

"i'm enlightened brother. i know the path. i have seen it. give me your hands."

i did.

he closed his eyes and turned his head towards the sky for 15 seconds or so.

"there you go, brother."

"thanks."

"now how bout that cigarette?"

"oh, sure."

i gave him one.

"and one for him?"

"one for who?"

"my soul brother...for when i find him."

"oh. yea."

i gave him a soul cigarette.

"you are a good man. take care."

"you too."

"you damned kids today."

"what?"

"you know what old people like me call you?"

"what."

"youngsters."

"yea."

"but i don't call you youngsters. know what i call you?"

"what."

"i call you 'young-steers.'"

"that's clever."

"i invented that. when you hear it around remember i invented it."

"sounds like a plan."

"anyway, have a safe journey."

"you too."

and then he walked off and made unwanted sexual advancements on two over-weight black women.

why me, god?

rock the parcel.

uh huh.

word.