jigga whom?

so i'm goin down to vegas this weekend but prior to my departure, i have decided to spread my proverbial ass-cheeks wide, flex the sphincter of boredom, and unleash upon this earth a pile of nonsensical rambling feces of such epic proportions it will cause your toes to spasm, your leg hair to fall out, and ultimately to have an uncontrollable urge to stand at wal-mart in the auto department all day smelling the tires. so if for some unfathomable reason you are a regular patron of this page, take it slow cuz this has got to last you all weekend. savor it like you would a hotpocket filled with broccoli, cheese and happy.

i just got a message on my phone and it went like this: "haha, what the fuck up toast?! this is the big poonjabbi...aw man...it's ten in the mornin...dood i just had the best sex i've had in years...gimmie a call." sometimes i wonder about my boys.

a question was raised aboots the whole "kackled by the ticker" thing. i will now explain this. ok...so brianface finished school a year before me. now by "finished" i don't mean "graduated." i mean he went the four years and then just stopped. so he was livin with his mom down offa boulder highway and had started working at this warehouse thing. (humorous side story, when he went to apply for that job i sat out in his car and i got bored so i turned on his radio and kicked around a hacky-sack for a while. when he came back out and tried to turn on the car the battery was dead from me rockin out to the 80's station for an hour and a half and he was kind of mad.) so he worked some kind of god awful shift that was like 18 hours long and he was rollin in the dough but had no time to spend it cuz when he wasn't working he had to sleep. so, being the caring loving friend that i am, whenever i didn't wanna go to school i would go to his house at 7 in the morning, bring his mom the paper, and wake his ass up by jumping/humping on him. so one day when i'm not about school i go to his house and wake him up by blowing a bunch of smoke in his face and he mutters something to the effect of "mmgngmmmnnn fuckin faggot mggmnd what the fuck mannnnnnmgnmd." so eventually after scratching his balls for 15 minutes he wakes up and i give him a cigarette. then he turns on some college football 99' whatever game on playstation and starts setting up his team. now i'm not a big fan of this game but i'm not about to sit there and watch pixilated football for an hour. so he picks some really good tough team like south compton university or something and i pick harvard. brianface of course begins to give me shit because of this. i keep tellin him that he's wrong cuz all my harvard boys are inventing ray guns n shit to fuck his guys up but evidently they aren't. so, due to the wee hours of the morning in which this is taking place, we begin to announce the game in distinguished harvard allumni voices i.e. "oh what a jolly good time these boys are having!" etc. so anyway, on one of my many 4th down punts to him, my kicker was the one that tackled his reciever. and brianface yells out in the harvard voice, "oh my! he got kackled by the ticker!" and for some reason it was fucking hillarious and i laughed so hard i cried. it also could have been from the smoke in my eyes. he had a really small room and after we both had a couple cigarettes in there it got kinda hard to breathe.

so this morning i'm on my way to work when i get pulled over by a state trooper. i find this odd because i was doing nothing wrong. so then another state trooper pulls up in front of me. and then another one. and they tell me to get out of the car and keep my hands where they can see them. then they tell me to slowly get my license. so i slowly put my hand to my back pocket to find my licence is not in there. problem. so i inform them on this matter and they seem a tad irate. so they start patting me down and asking where i came from, where i'm going etc. i tell them "i just woke up...i'm going to work." and they for some reason don't believe this. at anyrate...i guess what happened is some dood driving my exact make and color of car with the same antenna ball i have robbed the shop n go by where i was 5 minutes prior and they thought i was the guy and i didn't have i.d. and things were looking grim for the toaster. after a while they radioed in my description and the dood at the shop n go said "um...no...this guy was mexican." i am not mexican. so they felt pretty bad and didn't even fine me for not having my licence. it still sucked beaver ass and i was late to work.

wow...i got nothin to say right now. i'm gonna come back later and add more stuff.

rock the parcel.

uh huh.

word.