what?

one time brianface said "yeeeea! suck that cock!"

and the first time my friend preston and skrat met eachother they were at some doods house drinkin like it was going out of style and then they decided to roll down a hill and skrat started puking and preston ran up to him and cupped his hands and yelled "it's beer!!!!" and drank his puke and then made a really gnarly face and yelled "nevermind!"

and one time me n jimmy were making this song and overdubbing lots of tracks and he started singing "taaaaaap thaaaat aaaaaaasss! tap it tap it tap it!" in a falsetto and dear god it was funny i swear.

i have toasted peanut butter crackers. do you?

one time i held a door open for this old lady when i was walking out of the bank and she looked at me and grabbed my face and gave me a kiss on the cheek and said i was "a lovely young man." what a tease.

one time i was trying to raise audrey hepburn from the dead so i could make sweet sweet post-necro love to her but i got confused and i accidently got katherine hepburn and boy was my face red.

one time i told m.c. laurie lau that she was a 2800k bps dial-up modem in a T-1 line world.

last night i was watching the discovery channel at my parents house and my younger brother ran out of his room with his hand down his pants going "holy shit!" and ran into the bathroom and was in there for a little while. then when he came out i asked him what that was all about and he said he had put "icy hot" on his arm and then "accidentally" scratched his nuts and got icy hot all over his nuts/13-year-old-penis and he's stickin to the story but i don't believe him for a damned second cuz that kid's a fucking weirdo.

speaking of my brother, last night people from the neilsen ratings place called him and he gave the phone to me and i was like "call back tomorrow" and my little brother was like "what'd he say" and i was like "he wanted us to be a neilsen family" and he was like "what's that?" and i was like "that's where they monitor what you watch to help rate stations" and he was like "well we're not gonna do that, are we?" and i was like "well i dunno, i think they pay you or something" and he was like "we can't!!!" and i was like "why" and he was like "cuz then mom and dad will find out what i watch" and i was like "i think you can live without hbo soft core pseuodo erotica for a little while" and he was like "how long would it be?" and i was like "i dunno, like a month?" and he was like "dood! that means no whacking off for a month!" and then i vomited up my skeleton and my dog howled and somewhere a unicorn died.

rock the parcel.

uh huh.

word.