who likes marshmallows? not me.
marshmallows are fucking whack beyond all belief. sometimes when i think about marshmallows, it's all i can do not to drop-kick my cat. why do marshmallows exist? because the world is a terrible place.

marshmallows were invented 3000 years ago by the egyptians. some dumb-ass cross dressing pharoh was like "these kick ass!" and made them available to upper-class citizens. what a time to be a slave. all the benefits of a polytheistic culture with none of the marshmallow consumption. sign me up!

speaking of the polytheistic aspect of marshmallow origins, do you think that could have any effect on our monotheistic children? i dunno, lets ask Taylor where clouds come from:

"Clouds"
by Taylor
The god marshmallow loved to eat marshmallows. So he had a marshmallow party and all of the gods came. They ate a lot of the marshmallows. All of the gods liked how they looked and how they tasted. So they decided to make something that everyone would see since they liked marshmallows. Then Zeus made little white puffy clouds that looked just like marshmallows. That's how clouds were made.
THE END

what the fuck? our public school systems are failing to the awesome power of marshmallow propaganda and greek god worship.

on top of all this, marshmallows are the main ingredient in "peeps".

even the most hardcore fans of peeps can't tell you why they like peeps. peeps are fucking gross.

and then, if you wanna get technical about it, Kraft - the number one marshmallow producing company in the world - is owned by Nabisco which is owned by R.J. Reynolds the tabbacco company whose principle share holders are registered members of the Ku Kux Klan. eat a marshmallow - promote racism. you dicks. you fucking marshmallow eating dicks. how can you sleep at night?
or maybe supporting racism isn't enough for you. how about terrorism?

fuck marshmallows. fuck them in their stupid buttholes.